Hardened and Congruent: Why These Traits Exist in Poweful Leaders

how to be a good leader
This morning, my daily meditation made space for some thoughts to rise to the top. Just as a quick aside, I feel like when I meditate, my cleared mind removes clutter and brings uncooked thoughts or observations to the top of mind that are probably important.
While I was meditating, I felt anxiety as I started to think about quite a few people I’ve reached out to recently who never responded — people I’ve  met and followed up with or sent intro emails to. I suppose the anxiety was caused by disappointment in loss opportunity that these meetings could have lead to. Also maybe a little anger at them not wanting to meet me. Now these are all initial thoughts, of course, and there are probably legitimate reasons why they didn’t respond. I started to think about following up and how effective it can be when people follow up with me when it slips my mind to respond. Very few do, and many times it actually works.
This led me to the obvious conclusion that this is something I’m sure happens to everyone. I then thought of who “everyone” includes, which would be Andy Frisella, who’s video I recently watched. Andy co-founded 1st Phorm supplements and a chain of supplement stores. So he’s a very successful self-made guy. I noticed his manner of handling himself in his videos very powerful. He was what I summarize as “Hardened & Congruent” — these traits that are very clear with all the successful people meet. Let me explain what I mean by “hardened and congruent”:

Hardened is the word that comes to mind because when you see a self made man who’s had to deal with all the bullshit life throws at you and you have to persist, create opportunity and capitalize, you become hardened. Physical demeanor and energy don’t waver — strong willed and attentive you could say. They clearly have confidence in themselves and in who they are. A hardened person isn’t necessarily a jerk or cocky, it just means they understand the natural resistance to life. When you try something new or create something new there is resistance and work that will not be done unless you push through it. And that mentality I think leads you to become a pusher which therefore — after many years of pushing — that energy shows up as the hardened feel I notice.

A hardened person isn’t necessarily a jerk or cocky, it just means they understand the natural resistance to life.Alex Cruz

Congruence is the second description I used because it means to be in sync. Your thoughts, emotions, physical demeanor, and words are the same and fluid. That is to say you aren’t angry yet saying nice things. A congruent person is very sure of themselves and their emotions despite what the outside world thinks. It’s important to note that saying what you mean and feel, no matter what it is, will give you an energy of confidence and assurance that people will be drawn to. Because it’s honest — and not matter how wrong you might be, people are more comfortable following a leader who is confident and honest. It builds trust. Congruence is a trait of a great leader.

After explaining this an example that comes to mind is Adolf Hitler. Someone who was clearly so wrong and so evil, yet because he was so incredibly congruent and hardened, he was able to get millions of people to follow him. Have you ever seen old footage of Hitler where he wasn’t what you would intuitively describe hardened or congruent? These are very powerful traits you want to develop — and hopefully use for good.